Yesterday at 10:31pm marked the 5th anniversary of me becoming a mom. It also, of course, was Princess Girl's 5th birthday.
I debated posting her birth story to celebrate, but her birth story is awful. It's the kind that inspires first time moms to request c-sections. It sent me to therapy for post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) for, oh, the better part of a year. Some highlights: bad epidural, after the first one failed, had to get it entirely removed and got thru the spinal needle a 2nd time. 23 hours. 'Nuff said. Back labor. Baby not getting enough oxygen, me stuck in one position for the better part of those 23 hours. Pushing and pushing and pushing. Terrifying race to the ER. Lost husband. Baby whose head we could clearly see getting- this is not for the squeamish- pushed back up the birth canal. (That is SO meant to to be a one way journey- but she was so close to being out the normal way, they had to get her back in place for the surgery.) C-section so fast, I was sliced wide open before I even knew they were going to do it. Got hysterical at that point, and was given general anesthetic to "calm me". Missed first few hours of baby's life. Baby with a too-short cord around her neck. So tight the doula later told us, after 20+ years of experience she'd never seen one that tight on a baby that lived. Wake up, drugs making me shake so much, I can't even safely hold baby on my own. My recovery sucking. totally worn out. Not bonding with baby for ages. On a million pain pills. Depressed. Feeling like failure- didn't want drugs, didn't want surgery, wanted to feel instant baby-bond, etc.
Slowly, slowly, we got thru it. Thank god for therapy. Really. I was about 2 weeks from getting hospitalized when I started to finally mend, emotionally.
Happy ending: brave enough to try for Train Boy. Train Boy practically pops out 15 minutes after we get to the ER- and if it had been rush hour, Train Boy would have been born in the car... I rocked the VBAC!
5 years later, I have this awesome prize to show for my pain:
She's amazing and a miracle, esp. considering she nearly died or at the very least nearly sustained horrible brain damage due to oxygen deprivation... Princess Girl, Happy Birthday and we love you!
And, here's the 5th birthday cake masterpiece- 5 little girls all snug in their sleeping bags, all for the "pretend" sleepover party we had yesterday: