Diary of a Mad Fabri-Holic

It seems like my will to blog has died, too

Since returning from SC, I have been kind of a wreck- no surprises there.  Not sleeping so well, not tracking so well, making silly mistakes on simple things, etc.

I have been meaning to come by here and chat with you all again.  And reply to emails and comments.  But I just don't seem to the will, energy, or drive to actually do it.  I've made my poor husband take photos of my finished socks, and some other knits, too.  I've uploaded them to Flickr.  But when it comes to the next step of blogging them... it just does not happen.

Rather than delay even further while I try to find the right words, I'm just going to show you lots of photos of things I've made over the summer.  A million billion socks, it seems, mostly while I was in SC.  One quilt finally done but yet to make it to the post office.  A one-skein felted clutch- a sample for the ladies at work.

The Hubby and I went to Las Vegas last week in an attempt to de-stress and reconnect after a sad summer apart. It would have worked, too, IF we hadn't gotten, VIA EMAIL, the news that Annie's beloved and fabulous private school was filing chapter 11 and closing. The next day. A week before the start of the school year... We got her re-registered in public school- the exact same one we pulled her out of after 1st grade. Henry is going to a DIFFERENT public school in our district- one we really love- but they don't think they have room for Annie. Please, cross your fingers for us that there is room for one tiny little extra 3rd grader at this school...

Of course, I did mange to work on another pair of socks while in LV...

Now- there's a safe bet. Sam knitting a sock. Best odds in Vegas on that deal!

Somehow life goes on, even when maybe you'd prefer it didn't...

I've been back home in Denver for just over a week.

I stayed with Mom for about 10 days after Dad died.  We had the memorial service one full week after his death, which allowed folks to make plans to attend.  As he was cremated, and the ashes were not present at the service, we had more flexibility with time.  In September I will return to SC, and we will kayak his ashes out to his favorite spot on his river- they even make biodegradable urns for just such occasions.

The service was perfect.  The chaplain from Hospice opened with a brief prayer, and then everyone shared stories and memories about Dad.  The chaplain also gave a brief sermon/eulogy, and then we viewed an amazing dvd slide show created by my uncle.  I have had no luck uploading it to YouTube, so, I can't share.  But it was great.  Then Dad's friend Jim played Amazing Grace, and we all shared a meal- fresh fried fish, of course! 

Some of you may know about Dad's backyard gator- there house backs up to a small lake, and over the nearly 6 years they have lived there, there have been a succession of alligators sharing the lake with them.  Dad truly loved his gators- watching them in the lake was one of his pleasures.  The last night Dad was really with us, the gator acted very strangely and swum over to the bank by Dad's window, and sat staring into the house for a very very long time.  He's never done that before.  The memorial service was held at the Outfitters Center where my folks live- the nature center- because the river and Lowcountry in general was Dad's true church.  The Outfitters is right on another lake, and we realized that an alligator observed the entire service and hung out until we were done with the meal.  We are quite certain that he came to pay his respects as well.

The Hospice staff told us they had many, many stories of animals reacting to people's deaths- dogs, cats, birds and more- but Dad's was their first gator.  I know somewhere, that made him smile.

Now I am home.  It's been a week.  I have a tiny bit of the mess under control.  My desk at work is still pretty awful.  But my co-workers have been amazing- I am not a huggy person by nature but I have had some of the best hugs of my life in the last 6 days.  I'm settling back into being a mom and an employee, instead of just being a daughter. What I really need is a good cry, but the breakdown has yet to materialize.  I'm still in shock, I think.

Thank you all for the comments, emails, prayers, love, and everything else.  I haven''t responded to many commens or emails- but I will eventually get to everyone. Meanwhile, know I am thankful to each and every one of you.

Can you still be a daddy's girl when your dad is gone?

This afternoon my father passed away, peacefully and painlessly, in his own home, with my mother and me in attendance.  He went exactly the way he had wanted (given the circumstances of terminal liver cancer and complications from extreme PSC).

But that doesn't make my heart any less broken.  Relieved that he went in a good way.  But still completely heartbroken.

Here is the last photo of my dad, taken at his request. 

Teddy is 62 years old (Dad was just 6 weeks shy of 64 himself).  Teddy will be coming to live at my house with my daughter now.

Rest in peace Daddy.

Another Charleston Update

So, if you follow my Tweets or Facebook, you know I am still here in Charleston.  On Thursday, a few minutes after I booked my flight to go home on Friday, we heard from Dad's doctor re: some test results.

And as it turns out, the worst is true.  After 38 years of fighting an autoimmune condition, 14 years of living with an ostomy, the last year of horrible bile duct infections and so much more, my dad has inoperable liver cancer.  Even if he were healthy enough to survive chemo or surgery, the tumor is in a place that can only be resolved in 15% of people...

Dad has chosen to stop fighting, and we strongly support him.  There is no chance to beat the cancer, and the solutions available to prolong his life in the interim of painful and invasive.  We are now working with Hospice and plan to take him home on Monday.  While his doctors think he could last a while- the cancer is not super rapid- the infection and other issues are fairly serious.  Dad is ready to go, and our goal is to see him through it, to love him, to make him comfortable, and to get him to see his backyard gator again...  (Their house backs up to a lake where a gator often makes his home... and Dad loves to watch him.  The photo below was taken from just off their back steps.)

I plan to stay here in SC with my mom and dad for as long as possible.  Rich and the kids are flying down tomorrow, Sunday, and we're not sure how long they will stay.

My internet friends have been a source of incredible support for me in the last week, and I am so thankful for all the virtual love and real prayers headed our way.  You are all amazing, and I know I'll come back and ask for more support before this is over.  And after, too.

Today a care package from Sunne arrived at my hotel room, full of everything I'll need to make some nice simple knit-without-thinking-about-it socks. Knitters and quilters are the best people in the world.

The kindness of friends is truly the most amazing gift in the world. 

Thank you.

Please pray for a good, painless end to my dad's long, hard journey.

Still in Charleston...

I need to start by thanking every single one of you.  I have not had the time or energy to reply to all the amazing supportive comments but please know that you are really helping me through this.  I can handle posting Tweets from my phone... but entire emails are exhausting right now.

The situation here has been a rollercoaster.  My dad came in and was worse than anyone thought.  He is fighting back, but, he has been fighting all these for 38 years- since well before I was born.  A LOT is wrong right now, and I think I can honestly say this is the beginning of the end.  His spirit has been the main thing pulling his body along for a very very long time, and I think his spirit is wearing out.  No one should have to fight as much as he has...  he got dealt a really shitty hand in life and he rose to it amazingly. 

Tomorrow I am flying home for a few days- will see Annie in her big play (break a leg at opening night tonight kiddo!)  I plan to regroup, repack- much more underwear and yarn this time and also my kids- and return next week.

On the crafty side, I finished a sock here at the hospital but don't have the energy to cast on #2.  Turns out lacy thinking type knitting=not good when you are stressed and distracted.  Dad's kidney DR is a knitter (and a new ravelry friend of mine, and a quilter too!) and she has hooked me up with an LYS- tonight is thier late night and I might take a much needed therapeutic trip over there...

Charleston, once again. For the same not so great reasons as last time.

About sixteen months ago, I told you about how I had to rush down to SC as my dad was in the hospital and not doing well at all.  He recovered, as he always has, from a myriad of complicated and awful illnesses and conditions that have plagued him for nearly 40 years.

But it turns out that maybe he didn't get all the way better that time, and an infection has actually been raging in his bile ducts for the last almost year and a half.  (He takes anti-rejection drugs, like after a transplant, to fight an autoimmune condition and these drugs may have let the infection go unchecked for all that time).

His doctors have been trying to treat the infection for the last 6 weeks or so, since it was discovered.  Unfortunately, he's been getting worse.  Thursday he was hospitalized for aggressive treatment, and I flew down first thing Friday.

I hadn't seen him since March, and he looks awful.  I am very very very worried, and I am putting all this out onto the blog to ask for prayers, good thoughts, karma, juju, etc.  Anything you could send his way, he needs.  So does my mom, who has been by his side for nearly 40 years, most of them plagued by all these illnesses.

Thank you.

Here's dad a few weeks ago, doing one of his favorite things in the world...I'm hoping he will soon be up and able to catch some more great ones, but, it doesn't look so good today.

Old MacDonald Had a Farm, and on that Farm he had a lot of bunny hats.

You'd think that fabulous new stash system of mine would have me inspired to be working on projects left and right.

Yeah, not so much.

I don't know if it's the summer weather, the knitting addiction, or simple laziness, but I have not sewn a stitch in weeks.  I've got a quilt basted and ready to be finished, but that's it.  I even sewed the binding half on another quilt, and left it to sit on the floor.  Eventually I'm sure I will get my mojo on, but right now, I'm not going to fret over it.

I did just finished some obligation knitting- another bunny hat. 

This one is going to be auctioned off  this weekend at my office's annual fundraising gala.  There's an entire basket of items knitted by staff- and the basket even includes lessons!  I've also been convinced to donate a custom-knit animal hat to ANOTHER organization's auction- the buyer can pick adult or child size, colors, and their choice of bunny, cat or horse...  I'll be knitting animal hats til the cows come home.

Heh.

Dakota blues

Now that this quilt has finally made it to its new owner, I can show you the final pictures.  

Dakota is the newest addition to the family of an old friend (his older sister got this quilt when she arrived).  I have a feeling he is going to be a very mischievous little guy- he tricked everyone into thinking he was a girl at ultrasound #1, but revealed himself truly in #2.  Good thing I was running behind on starting his quilt, or he might be rolling around on something pretty and pink right now!

When I discovered Project Improv, it was the perfect starting point.  Rather than use a pattern, I bravely played with fabric and my own ideas.  That's really tough for me- so I started really simply with this one.  But I think simple worked well.  I quilted it super simply too- diagonal lines across the quilt in a soft yellow thread.  The back is a minkee-esque fabric, a soft yellow.  I had big wild plans for the binding- a fabulous wavy striped batik- but I went with a simple dark blue batik instead for a calming element.  So it turns out I accidentally made the quilt in the colors of Dakota's mom's alma mater- go me!

Working on this one was a wonderful journey- making a quilt for a friend's new son AND enjoying the creative process- I think I am luckier than Dakota.  Now to finish the next Project Improv piece AND get inspired to start a new one...

Stash, a whole new way

A monumental amount of work went into this:

And this as well:

The all new fabric organization system!  From one bookshelf AND a bunch of storage bins to 2 bookshelves.  (The books- knitting and quilting and other crafting- have moved to the family room.)  There is still some fabric stashed- all the scraps, flannel, non-quilting, and a few special pieces (vintage elvis collection, xmas.)  But the rest is out where I can see it and sorted by nothing but color.

Well, except for that bottom shelf of Kaffe...  but there's so darn much of it.  And it is so happy together... So let's pretend that shelf doesn't exist.

But the rest of it is all mixed up.  There is no longer any designer division.  Novelties lay next to solids lay next to batiks.  It's so much fun.  And it's also a really easy way to see my color prefences: bright bright and more bright, and no brown, please!  Who knew I was so obvious?

I'm looking forward to playing with my new system and making some wild and crazy quilts, after I finish a few in-process pieces lying around...  Which hopefully will happen in the next few days.

7 balls of yarn, one hundred billion stitches (or so), and one very happy 8 year old...

Browsing around Ravelry a few weeks ago, I stumbled up a simple, fabulous pattern for a child's twirly skirt.  Annie had recently pretty much outgrown the one and only skirt I had knitted for her.  (The nerve!)  So I showed her the pattern, which she loved, and we went to Michaels armed w/a 30%-off-your-entire-purchase coupon.  After much, much deliberation, Annie settled on a wild and crazy color combination, and I got started knitting.  We went with Lion Brand Micro Spun- inexpensive and machine washable with a nice drape- and in colors Annie was wild about!

Boy, oh boy, oh boy, that was a long knit.  It went everywhere with me for a few weeks- even a Rockies game!

It was super simple- I adapted it to knit in the round to avoid any seaming.  But by the time I got to the 4th color, there were four hundred and ninety- 490- stitches per round.  Dear god.  The first row took less than one ball.  The 4th?  2.5!  Take  that times 20 ish rounds... well... you see why I was ready to dance a dance of joy when I was ready to bind off!  (Well, that and also a fun dinner guest arrived at the same time...)

The Hubby helped me figure out the i-cord machine I recently picked up- we do NOT recommend the micro spun w/the machine- and he cranked out the drawstring!  A true family effort- if you count the bunny ears that Henry is giving me in the above photo...

And then, two hems sewed, and one fabulous twirly skirt, done and ready to test out!

What do you think?  It twirls beautifully!  She loves it, it fits, and- the best part- she wore it Monday when we had to go to the dentist and run a huge pile of errands.  Everywhere we went, people were crazy for the skirt!  Such a great day for my ego...  Plus, I up-sized it a tiny bit by making each stripe 1" longer and the waist a bit wider (hooray for the drawstring) so she can grow for a while and still be able to wear it!